He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
