I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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