My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How does one acquire holy water?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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