You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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