normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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