Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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