you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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