you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
