Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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