Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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