Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
