dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize