Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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