I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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