apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
