I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
