All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My bed smells like the plague
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
