my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
