genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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