just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
