I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
