thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
