this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
