Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize