I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
