you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
