I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
