Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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