my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
