She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
