So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So squirting runs in the family.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
