Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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