My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
God, I missed his penis.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
