She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
