i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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