it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
