I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
