we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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