glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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