you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
