and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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