He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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