So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize