I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
