we have pet lesbian snakes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Actions speak louder than pants.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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