im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The air taste purple.
Randomize
