omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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