There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
