Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
