and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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