Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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