i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
