So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize