I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
