Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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