Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
