Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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