That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
