While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
