Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
