why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
