i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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