I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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